The last couple of weeks have been hectic. Paper deadlines, tests, exams, classes, work, more papers, more studying. I've had a friend going through a really crazy time so have spent a lot of time on the phone & skyping to support them, and been feeling a little overwhelmed by some ethical issues discussed in a class. Then following the news and praying with friends for the situation with Megan Stammers (15yr old from Eastbourne, where I lived, who ran away with her 30yr old married teacher). I felt like a hamster racing faster and faster and getting nowhere - all the while pushing aside some philosophical issues that have been bubbling up. Then this afternoon, once I had submitted my papers, attended the necessary meetings and gotten some work done, I got down to some housework and listening to some 80's music. When I took a break to catch up on emails, I wasn't prepared for all that hit me.
I found out that two of my friends knew people killed in today's plane crash in Nepal. One friends is a family friend of passenger Ben Ogden (27), another friend had worked with and been on hiking expeditions with passenger Tim Oakes (57). Shocking and horrible news that takes your breath away. It reminded me of the day I heard about a family friend who had been killed in a plane crash in Zimbabwe in 2008. It brought a bitter taste to my mouth as I recalled the moment I knew my Dad had passed away and the surreal, pain-filled and torturous days afterwards. As my one friend posted on facebook "Life is so fragile..."
With all that is going on in the world, why do we let busy-ness get the better of us? Why is it so important to do more, get more done, achieve more, learn more, do better, get better, fit better? Is there a point where we need to just stop, reflect and regain perspective? Is it only when death slams into our lives and rips away someone who was precious, that we stop and look for God, that we remember how brief life is? [I say 'we', I'm more venting at myself]
In all my questions over the last few months about my future, what country I want to live & work in, what direction my career will go in, what classes would be best for my GPA....in all these questions I've neglected the wonder of the cross. No I'm not someone who says that "Jesus is the answer to everything" - but I forgot how refreshing it is, to sit still, to read John 14-21 and see Jesus' perspective on my life.
Life is so much more than the deadlines looming, the weeds I have to tackle before I get allergies or the studying for tests and writing papers that all has to be done this weekend.
Life is for living every fragile day with perspective and with hope
Friday, 28 September 2012
Saturday, 15 September 2012
An epiphany from a sore thumb
The last three weekends have been exhausting. I had busy weeks and then something happens each Saturday; first it was the car crash, the next weekend I got some sort of virus that had me bedridden and this weekend I've been rushing around like crazy, frustrated at how some things worked out in the way I was hoping they wouldn't....and then I sliced my thumb open on a piece of metal. I cried. Why do things like this always happen when I'm busy and stressed and need things to go smoothly?
After collapsing on the sofa (I'm actually house-sitting for someone who has a pretty awesome sofa) and wondering how I was going to muster the motivation to get back to the "Everest" of school work. After allowing myself a treat of watching a Friends episode that happened to be on TV. I shut it off and went back to my computer. I opened up one of my psychology textbooks and started reading from where I had left off. It's a social psychology textbook (talking about the assumptions we make about other people) and this particular section was talking about "Responsibility Diffusion" - where we are in a situation where we should probably take some responsibility but because others are there we assume that they will. An example it gave was about when Princess Diana's car crashed apparently the 9 paparazzi who were immediately "on the scene" all had phones. Only one put down his camera long enough to place a call for help. The others explained that they all assumed someone else had already called. What does this have to do with my slicing my thumb? Well....perspective.
As I looked at the picture in my textbook of the crumpled car, I felt like God was sitting down next to me and saying "Slow down Tash, stop trying to be everything and do everything. Focus on what is at hand and on living the way that I ask you to." I had to stop and take a moment. Yeah, a cut on my thumb really hurts, but if I let these things build up and become something that they're not, if I keep collecting memories of these offenses where the world seems to conspire against me - then I'm not going to be any good at the job I'm aiming to do.
I learned this summer while hiking out West that when these moments of 'epiphany' come, it's good for my soul, for my emotions, for my mental state, to take time out and cogitate on what I've been taught. I started thinking about when I first thought about psychology as a career and what 'attracted' me to the field of Trauma Psychology. The anniversary being so close, it was the events of 11 September 2001 that I believe first struck me with this. When unbelievable evil strikes in the world, when it seems that hatred is rife, when nation rises up against nation, when death seems to be conquering --that's when God needs His people to be His hands and feet, His voice of Hope, His fatherly arms, His sheltering wings. I've seen dozens of documentaries, youtube clips and raw-footage of the attacks that day - and each time, I see them, I want to reach out and offer practical support, a hug or a shoulder to those trying to live with the after-effects. Right now, because in the grand scheme of things I'm a student and have zilch in terms of qualifications, my only option is to pray for those survivors who remember the emergency workers and colleagues who didn't make it out, those New Yorkers battling cancer and various diseases from the collapse of the towers & buildings, pray for those who had loved ones killed in these attacks, and pray for those making decisions today about the interaction with other nations (be it political, humanitarian or military). I also pray for the psychologists out there who are working in this field of Trauma. That they would continue to see good in the world, to see positive outcomes in people's lives and to see God's love....so that they can bring hope to the dark places.
My thumb is okay, my homework awaits and I know that I needed to remember the pain of those people who need loving arms, kind words and a Mighty God - and who need me to work diligently, stay focused and get good grades so that one day I can be licensed. But above all that, I need to not let the little things bug me and I need to look for the good things in life so that one day, I can be there for someone who is caught up in a catastrophe and needs me to bring hope.
That's a motivating thought, both in terms of staying positive and also getting on with that homework!
After collapsing on the sofa (I'm actually house-sitting for someone who has a pretty awesome sofa) and wondering how I was going to muster the motivation to get back to the "Everest" of school work. After allowing myself a treat of watching a Friends episode that happened to be on TV. I shut it off and went back to my computer. I opened up one of my psychology textbooks and started reading from where I had left off. It's a social psychology textbook (talking about the assumptions we make about other people) and this particular section was talking about "Responsibility Diffusion" - where we are in a situation where we should probably take some responsibility but because others are there we assume that they will. An example it gave was about when Princess Diana's car crashed apparently the 9 paparazzi who were immediately "on the scene" all had phones. Only one put down his camera long enough to place a call for help. The others explained that they all assumed someone else had already called. What does this have to do with my slicing my thumb? Well....perspective.
As I looked at the picture in my textbook of the crumpled car, I felt like God was sitting down next to me and saying "Slow down Tash, stop trying to be everything and do everything. Focus on what is at hand and on living the way that I ask you to." I had to stop and take a moment. Yeah, a cut on my thumb really hurts, but if I let these things build up and become something that they're not, if I keep collecting memories of these offenses where the world seems to conspire against me - then I'm not going to be any good at the job I'm aiming to do.
I learned this summer while hiking out West that when these moments of 'epiphany' come, it's good for my soul, for my emotions, for my mental state, to take time out and cogitate on what I've been taught. I started thinking about when I first thought about psychology as a career and what 'attracted' me to the field of Trauma Psychology. The anniversary being so close, it was the events of 11 September 2001 that I believe first struck me with this. When unbelievable evil strikes in the world, when it seems that hatred is rife, when nation rises up against nation, when death seems to be conquering --that's when God needs His people to be His hands and feet, His voice of Hope, His fatherly arms, His sheltering wings. I've seen dozens of documentaries, youtube clips and raw-footage of the attacks that day - and each time, I see them, I want to reach out and offer practical support, a hug or a shoulder to those trying to live with the after-effects. Right now, because in the grand scheme of things I'm a student and have zilch in terms of qualifications, my only option is to pray for those survivors who remember the emergency workers and colleagues who didn't make it out, those New Yorkers battling cancer and various diseases from the collapse of the towers & buildings, pray for those who had loved ones killed in these attacks, and pray for those making decisions today about the interaction with other nations (be it political, humanitarian or military). I also pray for the psychologists out there who are working in this field of Trauma. That they would continue to see good in the world, to see positive outcomes in people's lives and to see God's love....so that they can bring hope to the dark places.
My thumb is okay, my homework awaits and I know that I needed to remember the pain of those people who need loving arms, kind words and a Mighty God - and who need me to work diligently, stay focused and get good grades so that one day I can be licensed. But above all that, I need to not let the little things bug me and I need to look for the good things in life so that one day, I can be there for someone who is caught up in a catastrophe and needs me to bring hope.
That's a motivating thought, both in terms of staying positive and also getting on with that homework!
Tuesday, 4 September 2012
"You need margins in your life..."
It has been a ka-ray-zee weekend. I have been pushing myself to work longer hours and get the school work done, telling myself that when Labor Day weekend arrived (a public holiday in the USA), I would be able to ease off everything, catch up on sleep and get a little more sanity in my life. Well. That didn't happen. Between a long list of homework assignments, working two jobs which both had significant 'happenings' this weekend and a car wreck (skidding in the down pouring remnants of Hurricane Isaac) - there was more added to my plate than I could cope with. I found myself freaking out about how to handle the situation - it pushed me to even contemplate dropping school FOREVER (dramatic tone!). Fortunately, I have some family & friends who kindly but firmly reminded me that a) Don't make decisions when you're in shock and feeling emotional, b) Being a student involves times like this but persisting on this path is TOTALLY worth it and c) It is possible to tighten the belt a bit and cover these extra expenses and still remain sane, if you know your boundaries and priorities.
Cue a conversation with one of my professors today. She knew about my car crash and was checking I was okay and I asked her for her thoughts on all my musings from the weekend and my feelings of despondency. During our conversation she reminded me about what she termed 'margins' (aka "Wiggle Room" "Safety Nets") -
You often hear people talk about guarding your boundaries in life, and I thought that's what she meant when she said that I needed "margins" in my life. After a little further discussion, this was the analogy she used - you know when people have a swimming pool in their yard and they build a fence around it to keep children/animals from the dangers of drowning--well, you don't build the fence on the edge of the pool, you build it a couple feet away from the edge so that if the child/animal somehow manages to get over the fence, there is still a MARGIN of protection. Perhaps another example is where people say having the equivalent of 3 months salaries/$1000 in an emergency savings account would be a margin.
The conversation moved on and brought some helpful answers to issues I needed to address, including a reminder to ask for help and accept help from those willing to give it (a lesson I still need to learn). In particular, it was great to remember that there are steps I can take to give myself 'margins' financially, spiritually, socially, emotionally and every other kind of ally!
Cue a conversation with one of my professors today. She knew about my car crash and was checking I was okay and I asked her for her thoughts on all my musings from the weekend and my feelings of despondency. During our conversation she reminded me about what she termed 'margins' (aka "Wiggle Room" "Safety Nets") -
You often hear people talk about guarding your boundaries in life, and I thought that's what she meant when she said that I needed "margins" in my life. After a little further discussion, this was the analogy she used - you know when people have a swimming pool in their yard and they build a fence around it to keep children/animals from the dangers of drowning--well, you don't build the fence on the edge of the pool, you build it a couple feet away from the edge so that if the child/animal somehow manages to get over the fence, there is still a MARGIN of protection. Perhaps another example is where people say having the equivalent of 3 months salaries/$1000 in an emergency savings account would be a margin.
The conversation moved on and brought some helpful answers to issues I needed to address, including a reminder to ask for help and accept help from those willing to give it (a lesson I still need to learn). In particular, it was great to remember that there are steps I can take to give myself 'margins' financially, spiritually, socially, emotionally and every other kind of ally!
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